Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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