Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
