I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
