nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
