I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
