After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
