When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
