the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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