My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize