Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
