So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
