I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize