i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
