A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
