i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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