Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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