I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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