i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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