I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
