i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
