got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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