I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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