dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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