Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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