whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
