Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
