guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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