Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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