I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
