How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
