Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My penis needs a shock collar
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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