It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
