Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
