This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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