WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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