he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
