oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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