i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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