I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
