literally had 100 drinks last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
