turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize