Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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