I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
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You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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