I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize