god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
