Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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