hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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