Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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