You smell like stripper and shame
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
