Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
