i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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