Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
