Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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