just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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