You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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