The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize